You're being paranoid Nintendoman, why would we laugh? Also I'm guessing you don't think anythings going to get any better in this next 3 weeks, so what are you waiting for? What's worse about taking them than the situation you're in.
The decision to return in 3 weeks was made during one of my more optimistic moments. As we can all see... anything can happen in 3 weeks.
Anyway, I plan on making calls tomorrow since it's late where I'm at right now.
And I've had mostly all my fears dispelled on medication, so I'm not really too objectionable to them now. Especially not after my last post (details later).
It's not funny at all man. No one's trying to judge you and if they do, the hell with their crap. Putting pressure on yourself and calling yourself stupid creates a bigger wound.
Does the depression or change in attitude come and go? You said you were feeling better, yet it keeps coming back.
Well... it's not exactly stable. I'd say from Sunday to today was a drastic jump. Sunday was awesome because all the people that actually cared about me showed up to visit for the night. So... it's not really representative of my days lately, but I suppose I ought to mention that. And today... well, I pretty much let everything fall apart and it reached the point where I'm babbling nonsense on SWF. I'll get to that later.
EDIT: Depression can make us feel absolutely isolated and cut off. A sensation of numbness takes hold drowning out pleasure. Our social lives may go down. We may develope temporary problems that occur when they're "triggered."
Venting and expression help a lot with depression, though thet can be the last things we want to do.
This pretty much describes everything that's going on right now. I'll admit I don't vent much (well, not really in the right way... I've found myself talking to people about the "end results" moreso than what I'm feeling), so when stuff does come out... well, we get this:
So WHY is it that I can't go? I'm seriously about to go nuts here. It wasn't hard the first two years of college, WHY is it now? WHY is something SO SIMPLE beyond a pinhead like me? WTH HAPPENED?
...
lol
I'm actually laughing right now because I bet you people think I'm just hilarious. This whole thing is just some giant joke to everyone. Sure, it'd be "rude" to just laugh in front of me, so no one's going to admit it. Even God has to be getting a kick out of this. I'm like this... cockroach or something, y'know? It's just too funny to just step on'em and watch them still live. So you step on'em again and again and again and again... and again... and again! Until everything stops moving. Legs, heart, brain... everything!
lolololololololol
Guys, this... was actually the scariest thing that hit me today. Honest. Yes, I was quite aware of what I was typing, but it's kinda like the entire rational parts of my body took a vacation and let everything else throw a party.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
I've heard it a lot: You're not insane if you can ask yourself if you're insane. But this... I don't know. I just started laughing. Laughing and crying, but it was more laughing. And I couldn't stop. Maybe I was just tired from having 3 hours of sleep or something. Honestly, I... can't even figure out what happened.
As of now though... I have my sanity (if I didn't have it then), and now it's just completely emotionally numb, like XFadingNirvanaX saying. I don't know if its because I've always WANTED to stop feeling (emotional) pain or if I just literally exhausted myself (again, 3 hours of sleep isn't great), but that's where I'm at right now.
Let's see...
Happy on Sunday,
Still Happy Monday morning,
Lonely Monday evening after my parents and friend & his fiance left
Tired this morning
Frustrated to the point of losing my sanity(?) earlier this afternoon
Numb now.
I think something's up.
