The Twilight Series by Stephanie meyer

[Thrillhouse-vh.]

^I thought that was Linkin Park's job?

 

[Symphony X]

Not anymore my friend. They just steal money now.

 

[Witchking_of_Angmar]

I'm sorry for bumping this thread kind of unnecessarily and incite more rage against Twilight, but I feel a pressing need to contribute. As the Twilight craze has now officially spread to Germany and my class loves it, I felt the need to get a better impression of Twilight by actually reading it. Up until now, I was satisfied with the agony and utter displeasure I felt when reading short passages from the book. It was enough to convince me it was rubbish, anyway.

So, I'm reading a PDF of Twilight right now.

I have never felt ****ing worse in my life.

If there was a medal awarded for "Book that incites the most meetings between forehead and table at a high speed", Twilight would easily cream the competition. Anyway, what I think is really interesting is that I recently read "Fenimore Cooper's literary offences" by Mark Twain. Here's an extract:

There are nineteen rules governing literary art in domain of romantic fiction -- some say twenty-two. In "Deerslayer," Cooper violated eighteen of them. These eighteen require:

1. That a tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere. But the "Deerslayer" tale accomplishes nothing and arrives in air.

2. They require that the episodes in a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help to develop it. But as the "Deerslayer" tale is not a tale, and accomplishes nothing and arrives nowhere, the episodes have no rightful place in the work, since there was nothing for them to develop.

3. They require that the personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others. But this detail has often been overlooked in the "Deerslayer" tale.

4. They require that the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there. But this detail also has been overlooked in the "Deerslayer" tale.

5. The require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject at hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say. But this requirement has been ignored from the beginning of the "Deerslayer" tale to the end of it.

6. They require that when the author describes the character of a personage in the tale, the conduct and conversation of that personage shall justify said description. But this law gets little or no attention in the "Deerslayer" tale, as Natty Bumppo's case will amply prove.

7. They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven- dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the "Deerslayer" tale.

8. They require that crass stupidities shall not be played upon the reader as "the craft of the woodsman, the delicate art of the forest," by either the author or the people in the tale. But this rule is persistently violated in the "Deerslayer" tale.

9. They require that the personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable. But these rules are not respected in the "Deerslayer" tale.

10. They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones. But the reader of the "Deerslayer" tale dislikes the good people in it, is indifferent to the others, and wishes they would all get drowned together.

11. They require that the characters in a tale shall be so clearly defined that the reader can tell beforehand what each will do in a given emergency. But in the "Deerslayer" tale, this rule is vacated.

In addition to these large rules, there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:

12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.

14. Eschew surplusage.

15. Not omit necessary details.

16. Avoid slovenliness of form.

17. Use good grammar.

18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.

Even these seven are coldly and persistently violated in the "Deerslayer" tale.

I find this so interesting because, although the novels couldn't be farther apart as far as content goes, they are both practically made to trample on these rules. It's almost as if Stephanie Meyer had these rules in front of her while writing Twilight and checking off every rule she broke as she wrote.

EDIT: Here's a full version of Mark Twain's essay; I recommend it to anyone that's in the mood for a quick laugh:

http://ww3.telerama.com/~joseph/cooper/cooper.html

 

[SkylerOcon]

I'm sorry for bumping this thread kind of unnecessarily and incite more rage against Twilight

No, I'm actually pretty sure that's encouraged.

It sucks that it's hit you now. Now you'll have to suffer like the rest of us when you point out how bad Twilight is to the fangirls, and they just say something like 'you just don't understand' and then walk away, due to lack of a good argument.

 

[Puddin]

Actually the craze seems to has died down in my area, I still think we need to start building safe houses though. Yeah, Safe House Libraries.

 

[marthmaster59]

I read the first page, and i put it down in disgust. Seriously the Rouge Squadron Instruction booklet is more engaging then that. Hell because of that book 3/4ths of the girls at my school are probably going as vampires.. urrrg

^this
What i don't like about it:
1. Practically nobody in my area read it before the movie came out
2.The movie sucks
3.Every female That I know exists have become Fangirls all of a sudden.

 

[Supernova757]

I love the twilight series.

 

[Eor]

To death with him!

 

[Yaya]

GTFO BC.

We can't have scum like you corrupting our province!

Vote: Supernova757

I swear to god, the day after Twilight came out in theaters, I was in our school's library, getting a Stephen King book, and AT LEAST 30 girls burst through the door asking for Twilight.

f*cking pitiful...

 

[Symphony X]

Twilight has died in my girlfriend. So this is my official resignation from this thread. Enjoy yourselves!

 

[pokesmashfighter]

Lets see YOU Write that good.

"Probably because we're not real marmfloxes I 'spose. If you don't kill us, we'll give you some puddin"

-Dobbins, "Marlfox"

That had better grammar, spelling, and poetic meaning than anything in Twilight.

And no, that is not a DIRECT quote, it is generally off the top of my head.

edit:I had not noticed this was a dead thread. I apologize for bumping this.

 

[kr3wman]

dunno if this was posted

http://twilightsucks.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fangirls&action=display&thread=5175

 

[Zook]

I'm going to, you know, read the book before bashing it.

 

[Sieg]

Do I really WANT to read it?

I'm fearful somehow fangirlism will stick to me like glue and suddenly 6 Twilight ***s will jump me with pictures proving that Edward Cullen is the hottest man alive.

Although he isn't really "alive".

 

[Circus]

dunno if this was posted

http://twilightsucks.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fangirls&action=display&thread=5175

I consider Twilight to be an affront to literature as much as the next guy, but an anti-Twilight forum? Pathetic, honestly.

 

[Firus]

http://twilightsucks.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fangirls&action=display&thread=5175

I'm gonna second what Nothing Rhymes with Circus said...a whole forum dedicated to bashing Twilight? Is ridiculous.

I am now officially equally annoyed by Twilight fangirlism and Twilight hate.

Seriously. It's getting ridiculous. The fangirls are annoying but it's not an excuse for people to go bat**** crazy over hating it either.

 

[Darkslash]

I consider Twilight to be an affront to literature as much as the next guy, but an anti-Twilight forum? Pathetic, honestly.

When you read some of the threads, I'm not sure if they are joking or not, but I've seen first hand crazy Twilight Fan reactions in my classes.

 

[kr3wman]

I consider Twilight to be an affront to literature as much as the next guy, but an anti-Twilight forum? Pathetic, honestly.

Internet discussion compared to real life ones are pathetic, honestly.

 

[Circus]

Internet discussion compared to real life ones are pathetic, honestly.

Okay? I don't know if that's supposed to be argumentative or if it's just a general statement.

If I saw an anti-Twilight club in real life, I would find it just as pathetic. Probably more so, actually.

 

[Eor]

Bell is loved by a vampire and a werewolf at the same time, but Bell gets pregnant with the Vampire child and the werewolf still wants her, so she makes it so that the werewolf is in love with the child and will help raise her, then when the child is old enough he'll marry her.

 

[kr3wman]

Okay? I don't know if that's supposed to be argumentative or if it's just a general statement.

If I saw an anti-Twilight club in real life, I would find it just as pathetic. Probably more so, actually.

But you agree twilight/twilight fan girls/clubs are pathetic.

Hence people posting in this thread and that forum and etc.

If you don't like something you have as much right as the guy who likes it to make a forum about why you don't/do like it.

Hating on something just to have a different opinion is bleh.

Joking about fan girls who think Edward is god/the coolest/ most beautiful / the only man they would want in their life and that twilight is gonna be remembered as one of this century's best series is fun.

And of course the book sucks, but hey.

 

[Dual Kirby]

Twilight is god in my school...im not joking you cant walkdown the hall without seeing 20 team edward shirts thats not the worst...this girl i know has a giant cardboard edward in her locker liking the book is one thing but thats a bit extreme don't ya think?

 

[Circus]

But you agree twilight/twilight fan girls/clubs are pathetic.

Hence people posting in this thread and that forum and etc.

If you don't like something you have as much right as the guy who likes it to make a forum about why you don't/do like it.

Hating on something just to have a different opinion is bleh.

Joking about fan girls who think Edward is god/the coolest/ most beautiful / the only man they would want in their life and that twilight is gonna be remembered as one of this century's best series is fun.

And of course the book sucks, but hey.

I wouldn't call Twilight fan clubs pathetic. Well, at least not to the same degree as an anti-Twilight club. Twilight fans may tend to be annoying and misguided on the whole, but they're at least spending time talking about something that interests them.

There's nothing wrong with stating your opinion, but if you dislike something enough to join an entire forum dedicated to bashing it, that's just wasted potential to me. Things that you dislike aren't worth that much of your time and effort. I wouldn't join an anti-Twilight forum for the same reason I wouldn't join an anti-Jonas Brothers forum. I dislike both of them and, as such, wouldn't waste my time talking about either of them at length. Forums exist in order to bring together like-minded people. What good does it do you to find people who hate one thing that you hate?

 

[Puddin]

Why are people still posting here?

 

[kr3wman]

I wouldn't call Twilight fan clubs pathetic. Well, at least not to the same degree as an anti-Twilight club. Twilight fans may tend to be annoying and misguided on the whole, but they're at least spending time talking about something that interests them.

There's nothing wrong with stating your opinion, but if you dislike something enough to join an entire forum dedicated to bashing it, that's just wasted potential to me. Things that you dislike aren't worth that much of your time and effort. I wouldn't join an anti-Twilight forum for the same reason I wouldn't join an anti-Jonas Brothers forum. I dislike both of them and, as such, wouldn't waste my time talking about either of them at length. Forums exist in order to bring together like-minded people. What good does it do you to find people who hate one thing that you hate?

Most of the time, people hate more stuff than stuff that they love.

 

[Lore]

I'm going to, you know, read the book before bashing it.

Same thing I did. In fact, I read the entire series while waiting for Naked Empire, one of the books in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series, to come into the library (and that series is epic win, by the way.)

First book I hated. The main reason why is simply because Stephanie Meyer's writing style is absolutely pathetic in it. She seemed to keep trying to make the book all sorts of different things, which made it worse. Not to mention the pathetic plot and paper-thin characters.

Second was a tad better, even though it was still pathetic. The only reason I liked it better was because her writing style seemed to be smoothed out a little.

Third was decent, but not particularly good. It had at least a better plot than the others, and the characters seemed at least a bit more believable.

Fourth was my favorite of the series. Had a much better plot, and was much more interesting.

Overall, its a mediocre series, but the last one is ok. I really don't see why there's so much blatant fangirl/boyism.

 

[Symphony X]

Same thing I did. In fact, I read the entire series while waiting for Naked Empire, one of the books in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series, to come into the library (and that series is epic win, by the way.)

First book I hated. The main reason why is simply because Stephanie Meyer's writing style is absolutely pathetic in it. She seemed to keep trying to make the book all sorts of different things, which made it worse. Not to mention the pathetic plot and paper-thin characters.

Second was a tad better, even though it was still pathetic. The only reason I liked it better was because her writing style seemed to be smoothed out a little.

Third was decent, but not particularly good. It had at least a better plot than the others, and the characters seemed at least a bit more believable.

Fourth was my favorite of the series. Had a much better plot, and was much more interesting.

Overall, its a mediocre series, but the last one is ok. I really don't see why there's so much blatant fangirl/boyism.

This is funny, because the typical fangirl would say the exact opposite. I guess with them, the more story/less Edward description, the worse the story.

 

[Chill]

Bell is loved by a vampire and a werewolf at the same time, but Bell gets pregnant with the Vampire child and the werewolf still wants her, so she makes it so that the werewolf is in love with the child and will help raise her, then when the child is old enough he'll marry her.

The child also grows very quickly so he won't have to wait too long before he can marry her. It also means that he won't be old and gross when he does so. Bella is so generous and lovely.