Detecting Johns: A Guide

[FB Dj_Iskascribble]

This thread is aweseome.
Basically its like "I could have won if i didnt lose"

Oh, and now whenever my other friends give me johns, I just say back to them, "Yeah, you would've won if you hadn't had lost."

exactly what I said XD

 

[TheBuzzSaw]

exactly what I said XD

NO U

I don't always read the entire thread before responding. XD

 

[IC3R]

Lucas has no priority.
And Marth/DK/G&W are gay.

neither has if, only, or could. both are true. so they must not be johns right?!?!?!1

Just put them in standard form:

• "Lucas has no priority" = "You only son because Lucas has no priority!"
• "Marth/DK/G&W are gay" = "I would've won if Marth/DK/G&W wasn't so gay!"

 

[Melomaniacal]

The whole "no Johns" thing gets taken way to far sometimes, though. Some people will find any excuse possible to toss that phrase around. A man can't explain why he lost anymore without thousands of cries of "LOL NO JOHNS." People need to find the difference between a John, and an explanation, because as of now, no one seems to know the difference.

 

[Espy Rose]

I love this thread. Beautiful first post in retrospect. You will rarely ever see a better first post anywhere else.

I do admit that I will john if something is ridiculous enough (tripping is what I usually john about), but I've learned to just get over it.

I'm going to stop johning, and I hope others will follow.

La Fin

 

[Geist]

Ah, nice thread, it's a good read.

Don't you just hate it when you're playing some smug little kid and he keeps trying to convince you he's going easy on you? ugh.
If I'm going to say anything that's close to johns it's "shoot, I need to work on my spacing", or something along the lines of that. Don't know if that's what some people consider johning, but it works well in contrast when giving someone a compliment.

Cold hand johns count if you're living in Canada and main fox btw.
raynexxxxx >_>

 

[ndayday]

Man, good first post.

Now all that remains to be done is make a machine that recognizes those words and have one on standby at all tournament matches.

 

[The Sauce Boss]

The whole "no Johns" thing gets taken way to far sometimes, though. Some people will find any excuse possible to toss that phrase around. A man can't explain why he lost anymore without thousands of cries of "LOL NO JOHNS." People need to find the difference between a John, and an explanation, because as of now, no one seems to know the difference.

The whole "johning" thing gets taken way to far sometimes. Some people will find any excuse possible to explain why they lost. A man that can't face that he lost throws out thousands of cries of "LOL BRAWL SUCKS". People need to find the difference between a legitimate excuse (I am not good at this game) and a john (I can't play vs spam), because as of now no one seems to know the difference.

*See what I did there * This post almost seems like the person is trying to justify johns. Don't you see that hardly any explanations are legitimate at all when you explain a loss? Further than he is better than me so he beat me, there is not much to explain​

People need to find the difference between a John, and an explanation, because as of now, no one seems to know the difference.

It is likely that you yourself need to find the difference.

 

[SothE700k]

Wow, very nice guide! Made me realize I john more than I thought...>_<

 

[PrepareYourself]

Man, good first post.

I know right? My first post was a user blog or something... >_>

And I realized, thanks to your guide, that I john a lot. I'll work on it, thanks >.<

 

[Denzi]

That was fantastic. Whenever I hear an "only" john (directed at me or someone else), my usual counter is : "You only lost because your opponent played the game better than you." and it usually shuts them up

 

[SothE700k]

That was fantastic. Whenever I hear an "only" john (directed at me or someone else), my usual counter is : "You only lost because your opponent played the game better than you." and it usually shuts them up

If I were to say that to someone outside of a tournament scene around here, goodbye to my balls, they may cut them off. Literally.

 

[The Sauce Boss]

If I were to say that to someone outside of a tournament scene around here, goodbye to my balls, they may cut them off. Literally.

Your friends would cut your testicles off over that? You need new friends.

 

[Johnny Pteran]

There are legitimate johns, though. Having the controller yanked out of your hand is a legitimate john, and having a controller that doesn't work is also a legitimate john (but it's not when you bring it from your house, obviously).

Honestly, I'm getting tired of trying to explain things to people, and just have them burst out "NO JOHNS, STOP BEIN A SCRUB"

 

[The Sauce Boss]

There are legitimate johns, though. Having the controller yanked out of your hand is a legitimate john, and having a controller that doesn't work is also a legitimate john (but it's not when you bring it from your house, obviously).

Honestly, I'm getting tired of trying to explain things to people, and just have them burst out "NO JOHNS, STOP BEIN A SCRUB"

How often is the controller ripped from your hands in a tournament match that you would need to say that LOL. And even if that did happen NOBODY would call you out for "johning" about that.

And the faulty controller john is NOT legitimate.
1. your controller and its functionality are your responsibility
2. if it does malfunction simply request a pause and switch controllers.

 

[SothE700k]

Your friends would cut your testicles off over that? You need new friends.

When it comes to Smash? OH GOD YES I DO.

1. your controller and its functionality are your responsibility
2. if it does malfunction simply request a pause and switch controllers.

He meant if you didn't bring your own controller for some reason.
I can relate, I get broken controllers all the time when I don't bring mine >=/

 

[BanjoKazooiePro]

Best 1st post ever. A world without johns? Madness.

 

[Johnny Pteran]

Well, here's an example, over wi-fi.

You're playing a 4srs wifi match, and you're going at it intensely. Suddenly, your dog comes running at full speed and collides with the cord. Your Wii is destroyed, your controller breaks into 50 pieces. Sparks fly from your TV, and your house catches on fire. You're homeless now.

You go to the public library to get into contact with the guy you had the match with. You explain the situation.

"No johns, I win."

 

[SothE700k]

Well, here's an example, over wi-fi.

You're playing a 4srs wifi match, and you're going at it intensely. Suddenly, your dog comes running at full speed and collides with the cord. Your Wii is destroyed, your controller breaks into 50 pieces. Sparks fly from your TV, and your house catches on fire. You're homeless now.

You go to the public library to get into contact with the guy you had the match with. You explain the situation.

"No johns, I win."

lmao!
Losing your house because you lost your Wii?
Now talk about the worst of luck...

 

[The Sauce Boss]

When it comes to Smash? OH GOD YES I DO.



He meant if you didn't bring your own controller for some reason.
I can relate, I get broken controllers all the time when I don't bring mine >=/

Are you able to read?

1. your controller and its functionality are your responsibility
2. if it does malfunction simply request a pause and switch controllers.

Well, here's an example, over wi-fi.

You're playing a 4srs wifi match, and you're going at it intensely. Suddenly, your dog comes running at full speed and collides with the cord. Your Wii is destroyed, your controller breaks into 50 pieces. Sparks fly from your TV, and your house catches on fire. You're homeless now.

You go to the public library to get into contact with the guy you had the match with. You explain the situation.

"No johns, I win."

Now you are straying into ridiculously absurd situations to prove the arbitrary point that something COULD cause a legitimate excuse. Yes you COULD claim that . The point of this argument and this thread was not to prove that. In real life a situation like that happens almost never. The point remains that 99.9% of johns or illegitimate, including YOUR example of the controller.

 

[SothE700k]

Are you able to read?

Apparently not.

 

[Ninjaneos]

i sometimes john when i get killed by items, like my last tourney -.-

 

[PrepareYourself]

Apparently not.

SothE700k, wins Round 1!

No johns.

Still an amazing thread.

 

[Nicole]

good read, and funny too! i don't john too much, usually just say good game and beat myself up over how poorly i played (IF i thought i could have beaten my opponent). "i played terrible" isn't a john, now is it? johns and facts are entirely different.

 

[Da-D-Mon-109]

I honestly try not to, but I occasionally will start something off by saying "If I didn't mess that up, I'd have won." But then that is usually followed with "It was my fault for messing up though. Nice job, and Good Game." I've occasionally Johned, but it is part of human nature to disagree with something that we don't want to believe. Simply admit the truth, and get better. John problem solved.

 

[Melomaniacal]

The whole "johning" thing gets taken way to far sometimes. Some people will find any excuse possible to explain why they lost. A man that can't face that he lost throws out thousands of cries of "LOL BRAWL SUCKS". People need to find the difference between a legitimate excuse (I am not good at this game) and a john (I can't play vs spam), because as of now no one seems to know the difference.

*See what I did there * This post almost seems like the person is trying to justify johns. Don't you see that hardly any explanations are legitimate at all when you explain a loss? Further than he is better than me so he beat me, there is not much to explain​

It is likely that you yourself need to find the difference.

Buddy, I know the difference. I'm not trying to justify Johns, and you're not being clever at all. When I lose a match and say "****, I just got outplayed bad," then three different people say, "shut up, no Johns," there's obviously something wrong.

It is even more likely that you yourself need to find the difference (*See what I did there *. Gawsh I'm so clever.)

 

[POKE40]

Good job on first post!
u wins 2 cookies.

Anyways you can john (manipulate a johner) just to make your opponent angry the next match if you lose.
and next match they'll be quite ticked still when you continue johning

of course that wouldn't be a fun game for them...

 

[ndayday]

Guys, do you even know where to draw the line between the two? Read this description provided by Smashwiki.

A John is an excuse for losing, missing a recovery, being hit by an attack, or any number of unfavorable events in Smash. It is a statement or action that detracts from the validity or quality of a competition (or its implied significance), irrespective of truth.

The term John, according to California smasher HugS, comes from a Smash player in Texas (named John) who would consistently invent excuses every time he lost. The term "Johning" became commonplace in the community, as others grew tired of his excuses, thus coining the term.

In Europe, the term "Yuna" can be used interchangeably with "John", here referring to the Smasher, Yuna, who has the same habit. It's most commonly said completely in Swedish, "Inga Yunas".

The phrase "No Johns" means "no excuses". It is frequently used as a retort when another player uses an excuse.

 

[The Sauce Boss]

When I lose a match and say "****, I just got outplayed bad," then three different people say, "shut up, no Johns," there's obviously something wrong.

If you actually say THAT I doubt anyone would say you were johning. I have never seen this happen and if it did it would be wrong.

I was just trying to stop someone from defending making illegitimate excuses. Nothing more.

In fact the whole point of this thread is to get people to say "****, I just got outplayed bad". This being the side you claim to take, I really don't see why you are mad.

 

[Melomaniacal]

If you actually say THAT I doubt anyone would say you were johning. I have never seen this happen and if it did it would be wrong.

I was just trying to stop someone from defending making illegitimate excuses. Nothing more.

In fact the whole point of this thread is to get people to say "****, I just got outplayed bad". This being the side you claim to take, I really don't see why you are mad.

Yes, it did happen. And it happens very often to many different people.

You were trying to stop the wrong person. I clearly wasn't defending Johning, as I made a clear and distinctive difference between a John and an (legitimate could be inferred) explanation.

I understand the point of this thread, and it has the right idea, but I'm 90% sure it will just more fuel to the "no John" spam fire. I'm not mad, just kind of annoyed. I didn't really appreciate your completely unprovoked rude tone, but then again, I was just waken up with loud noises, so I could just be pissy because of that. Whatever the case, I'M IN NO MOOD.

 

[phi1ny3]

I bet Viet and I are the ones that use "I suck" the most out of johns (if you count that as one).
But yeah, another counter to "johning" is usually saying "mindgames?". That and the obvious.

 

[The Sauce Boss]

Yes, it did happen. And it happens very often to many different people.

Really? That sucks. It doesn't happen where I am from so I assumed most people were smart enough to not do that. I guess I give people too much credit.

You were trying to stop the wrong person. I clearly wasn't defending Johning, as I made a clear and distinctive difference between a John and an (legitimate could be inferred) explanation.

I was trying to stop the wrong person I now see. Again I assumed people would be smart enough to not call a person who accepts defeat a johner, but I guess some people are really stupid.

I understand the point of this thread, and it has the right idea, but I'm 90% sure it will just more fuel to the "no John" spam fire.

Let's hope it doesn't.

 

[Veng]

The whole "no Johns" thing gets taken way to far sometimes, though. Some people will find any excuse possible to toss that phrase around. A man can't explain why he lost anymore without thousands of cries of "LOL NO JOHNS." People need to find the difference between a John, and an explanation, because as of now, no one seems to know the difference.

A john is an explanation.

 

[Ghost Slime]

I don't need a guide to smell bull****.

 

[Melomaniacal]

A john is an explanation.

Here's what I mean when I say some people don't know the difference.
A John is an excuse. Explanations would be explaining (imagine that ) what actually happened. Of course, an explanation could be turned into a John, but I'm not talking about that. Example:
1. I lost because you were playing much better than me. I messed up. -Explanation
2. I should have won, but I was playing poorly because of my asthma. -John

Really? That sucks. It doesn't happen where I am from so I assumed most people were smart enough to not do that. I guess I give people too much credit.


I was trying to stop the wrong person I now see. Again I assumed people would be smart enough to not call a person who accepts defeat a johner, but I guess some people are really stupid.




Let's hope it doesn't.

Yeah, people can be stupid.
Oh well, it's all good. Mah bad for being all pissy

 

[Jack Kieser]

A john is an explanation.

People don't seem to get the difference between an "excuse" and an "explanation". I can explain to you how gravity works, but that doesn't mean I'm excusing your mother for dropping you on your head as a child.

 

[Ghost Slime]

A john isn't really an explanation.

"You won because you are better than me at this game." < Explanation.


"I could have won if you weren't better than me at this game. < John

 

[AvaricePanda]

"Frigate Orpheon made me die." Explanation.

"Frigate Orpheon made me die." John.

10wuts.

People shouldn't be so uptight when someone says something like that and they have good reason for it, but if the person doesn't except their loss, then it's sad. I'm fine with, "aww crap, norfair's lava owned me...oh well, good game," because the person is still nice, accepting their defeat, and all that. But when someone goes, "Eff this, only reason you won was because of norfair's gay lava *unplugs controller and storms off*" then I just go...lol. Lose better.

 

[Melomaniacal]

"Frigate Orpheon made me die." Explanation.

"Frigate Orpheon made me die." John.

10wuts.

People shouldn't be so uptight when someone says something like that and they have good reason for it, but if the person doesn't except their loss, then it's sad. I'm fine with, "aww crap, norfair's lava owned me...oh well, good game," because the person is still nice, accepting their defeat, and all that. But when someone goes, "Eff this, only reason you won was because of norfair's gay lava *unplugs controller and storms off*" then I just go...lol. Lose better.

It really all depends on how you handle it.
"Dammit I had that match, but Frigate made me die! BS!" -John
"I died when Frigate flipped. I wasn't ready for it, I messed up" -Explanation

 

[Sora Master2.0]

Saying something like"I should have" or "You did a good job punishing" is a good way to avoid johns, and be more constructive.