The White Zeton
Smash Rookie
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2009
- Messages
- 1
I was at a tourney recently that was witness to very few johns. It was so enjoyable that I began to imagine what it would be like if all smash events were free of johns. How can we get others to stop? How can we stop johning ourselves? How can we identify johns?
First, a definition:
The thing about reality is that it simply is. Existence is existence, and never non-existence. "A is A", victory is victory, defeat is defeat. Players in a tourney place neither higher nor lower than what they placed. This sounds so obvious, but human nature often interferes with accepting reality as valid. Hence, we john.
Almost every john contains one of three words:
1. "if"
Ah, the great conditional. The easiest way to ignore our reality is to suggest a different one.
"If I had landed that smash, you would have died."
"He wouldn't have won if he didn't play that character."
"I'll win if he doesn't take me to mansion."
"If I played this game more, I'd be a lot better."
"I would have won teams if I had a better partner."
All of these statements are either painfully obvious or pointless speculation. It's all just beating around the bush of reality. I can summarize all of these into a single statement:
"If things had been different, they would have been different."
There you have it: the mother of all conditional johns.
2. "only"
Forced to face reality, he who johns next attempts to dismantle it.
"You only won because I didn't camp the ledge."
"He only wins when he plays his main."
"That's the only stage he wouldn't have won on."
"I only warmed up a little bit today."
"That tourney only had bad players."
It's as if we think that by explaining something, pointing out possible causes and effects, we can elevate ourselves above reality. Observations are ultimately nothing but observations, and all boil down to the same thing:
"You only won because we happen to occupy this universe."
Sadly, all rumors I've heard suggest that the SBR will not be adding universe counter-picking to the next official ruleset.
3. "could"
Potential... The combination of "if" and "only" is "could".
"I could have spammed more."
"She could have gone DDD and he would have won."
"I could have beat him on any other stage."
"With more practice, I could beat a lot more people."
"I could have won that tourney I missed--I didn't have gas money."
It's just more speculation. This one is easy to summarize:
"I could claim something."
Yes. Yes you could.
If only everyone could stop johning...
One of the most pervasive types of johns in Smash is character johns. (This includes matchup johns, a sub-type.) Character johns come in many forms but are all essentially the same: "If only I picked a different character, I could beat you."
It's pretty easy to see that this line is ridiculous and silly. They aren't fooling anybody: If they could actually win by using a different character, they would. Anyone who refuses to play a character they would honestly win with is too self-righteous to be a competitive threat anyway, so it's a moot point. There is nothing wrong with having unique skill will an underused character, but don't diminish that skill with johns. (If you main a low-tier and take offense to any of this, I propose that you are playing that low-tier for the wrong reasons.)
When you make character johns, you are doing a disservice to that character and everyone who plays them. Everyone plays with the same character select screen and chooses their character of their own free will, no point pretending otherwise.
Beyond Johns
Reality is a terrible and glorious thing. It contains all of our greatest successes and most miserable failures. When we look at it directly, sometimes we are shocked at what we see. It can be confusing and even painful. But it is always superior to all other perspectives. After your next match of smash, win or lose, try something: When it's over, just sit. Don't say anything. Don't think anything. Just reflect on the match you just played and consider everything that took place without bias or motive.
If you examine reality for what it is, I can only promise you one thing:
No "if"s.
No "only"s.
No "could"s.
You will get better.
Good luck.
First, a definition:
In other words, someone who johns is trying to ignore an aspect of reality.Me said:
The thing about reality is that it simply is. Existence is existence, and never non-existence. "A is A", victory is victory, defeat is defeat. Players in a tourney place neither higher nor lower than what they placed. This sounds so obvious, but human nature often interferes with accepting reality as valid. Hence, we john.
Almost every john contains one of three words:
1. "if"
Ah, the great conditional. The easiest way to ignore our reality is to suggest a different one.
"If I had landed that smash, you would have died."
"He wouldn't have won if he didn't play that character."
"I'll win if he doesn't take me to mansion."
"If I played this game more, I'd be a lot better."
"I would have won teams if I had a better partner."
All of these statements are either painfully obvious or pointless speculation. It's all just beating around the bush of reality. I can summarize all of these into a single statement:
"If things had been different, they would have been different."
There you have it: the mother of all conditional johns.
2. "only"
Forced to face reality, he who johns next attempts to dismantle it.
"You only won because I didn't camp the ledge."
"He only wins when he plays his main."
"That's the only stage he wouldn't have won on."
"I only warmed up a little bit today."
"That tourney only had bad players."
It's as if we think that by explaining something, pointing out possible causes and effects, we can elevate ourselves above reality. Observations are ultimately nothing but observations, and all boil down to the same thing:
"You only won because we happen to occupy this universe."
Sadly, all rumors I've heard suggest that the SBR will not be adding universe counter-picking to the next official ruleset.
3. "could"
Potential... The combination of "if" and "only" is "could".
"I could have spammed more."
"She could have gone DDD and he would have won."
"I could have beat him on any other stage."
"With more practice, I could beat a lot more people."
"I could have won that tourney I missed--I didn't have gas money."
It's just more speculation. This one is easy to summarize:
"I could claim something."
Yes. Yes you could.
If only everyone could stop johning...
One of the most pervasive types of johns in Smash is character johns. (This includes matchup johns, a sub-type.) Character johns come in many forms but are all essentially the same: "If only I picked a different character, I could beat you."
It's pretty easy to see that this line is ridiculous and silly. They aren't fooling anybody: If they could actually win by using a different character, they would. Anyone who refuses to play a character they would honestly win with is too self-righteous to be a competitive threat anyway, so it's a moot point. There is nothing wrong with having unique skill will an underused character, but don't diminish that skill with johns. (If you main a low-tier and take offense to any of this, I propose that you are playing that low-tier for the wrong reasons.)
When you make character johns, you are doing a disservice to that character and everyone who plays them. Everyone plays with the same character select screen and chooses their character of their own free will, no point pretending otherwise.
Beyond Johns
Reality is a terrible and glorious thing. It contains all of our greatest successes and most miserable failures. When we look at it directly, sometimes we are shocked at what we see. It can be confusing and even painful. But it is always superior to all other perspectives. After your next match of smash, win or lose, try something: When it's over, just sit. Don't say anything. Don't think anything. Just reflect on the match you just played and consider everything that took place without bias or motive.
If you examine reality for what it is, I can only promise you one thing:
No "if"s.
No "only"s.
No "could"s.
You will get better.
Good luck.
